rocky rocky rocky rocky roll!
wong fu productions
but i love it.
who, what, when, where, why.
i feel lost. broken. torn down. stupid. reckless. inconsolable. lonely. tired. helpless. hopeless. confused. scared. sad. angry. worthless.
other than constant prayer, i just dont know what to do. i dont know where to start.
2 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body[a] and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.[b] 4 But[c] God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 Forby grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship,created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
funny how things dont work out the way you plan them to. i definitely did not plan to be unproductive last weekend. but OH WELL. it happened to be the best weekend ever. Feel free to read on, but this is more for me to remember.
Friday: May 18th 2012
Bible study with the juniors, of course i wasnt the best role model, which i admitted and apologized for. Prayer meeting and then Master steaks later that night with Kyle, Kevin, Enoch, Andrew, Eunice, Alan, and David, for great company and conversation, just the beginning of an amazing weekend
Saturday: May 19th 2012
My student came to piano today and told me that she had composed her own song. She is quite talented, she just finished grade one, so of course i thought that this “song” would merely be a one note melody, something along the lines of Mary had a Little Lamb. but she surprised me with chord progressions, octave changes, pedal, flats, sharps, it was approximately 40 seconds of pure melodious heaven. I just love that she loves playing the piano, and that she felt comfortable enough to share it with me.
Joint small group: thats right, i said JOINT. not many people showed up in both small groups so we combined them and went to Peters on Eglinton for BRUNCH with Ernesto, Sam, Ashley, Janice, Alan, Simon, Stewart and Eunice.
The weather was so beautiful so Ernest suggested going to Christina’s house to walk cooper, but of course, he didnt show up. So it was a girls day for sure. We walked to the park, painted each others nails, cut each others hair (no joke - hair is SO COOL to cut), i got a little scissor happy. whoops! we headed over to Lakeshore for dinner at Snug Harbour while we tied cooper up beside us. I had the Seafood pescatore, i will DEFINITELy go back there. Cooper is also such a magnet, talked to so many strangers, and there are SO many dogs. Lakeshore would be the PERFECT date destination. We went back to Christinas and stopped to view some fireworks on the way and swung on the swings. That just made the night a whole lot better. That and the raspberry and mango sherbert, girl talk, and mission impossible 4. What a night. God placed these girls in my life for a reason, im sure of it now. Eunice && Christina <3.
Sunday: May 20th 2012
Church service: pleasantly surprised with the appearance of HELAINE KEE, and wedding invitations. I AM SO EXCITED. i love what this friendship has taught me, the comfort that it has brought me, and i am so thankful that God has blessed me with this friendship.
We went for lunch at Congee Dynasty, a whole bunch of us: Eunice, Ernest, Karwai, Nicole, Rebecca, Season, Simon, Jane, Wilfred, Christina, Alan. Later for a stroll in streetsville and frozen yogurt at Murphies. Add matthew into the equation and loafting on Christina’s couch, and then a trip to the dog park. Dogs, they are the most interesting creatures, i could watch them all day. that and the boys: ernest, simon and Matthew who seem to be terrified of dogs, and yet the dogs just keep approaching them.
Went for dinner with matthew, karwai, jenn, enoch, andrew, eunice, christina, and Oh Guel Bo Guel for Delicious Korean food. come to think about it, i spent SO MUCH MONEY on food this weekend, and its not even over. matthew and enoch were definitely a treat to watch with their clashing personalities, and Christina with her weird way of using chopsticks. A great way to end the night with Enoch’s “reckless?” driving, and as a result matthew insisting to sit at the back HAHA.
Monday: May 21st 2012
Spent the day with my psychology textbook and the parentals. Went for a carwash. I LOVE CARWASHES. if i were rich enough i would probably get one every day.
Picked up Eunice to go to Enoch’s house. Where i won BLOKUS. its about time too :) despite my suggestions for a PICNIC, we ended up going to All You Can Eat sushi at K&K. OF course i decided to follow simon and silly me they were going to buy fireworks for later (SO EMBARASSING) , nevertheless i found my way eventually. K&K was legit, ordering for the masses is hard. it felt like a grade 8 dance where girls sit on one side, and boys on the other. The company was amazing: andrew, ernest, simon, enoch, eunice, rebecca, ashley, nicole x2, christina.
After dinner we went to light our OWN FIREWORKS. i have decided i will NEVER take up smoking, if not for the sole reason that i cannot work a lighter. There was a fairly large fire pretty contained in a garbage can across the field, and so christina and nicole called the fire department. PRETTY COOL if you ask me. Held roman candles and shot them into the sky. DID YOU KNOW that if you point them at the pavement they BOUNCE! it was an amazing night, with amazing weather, and amazing people.
What a magnificent May weekend!
1) i am so thankful for you. i am so glad that God has placed you in my life. Over the years, you have gotten to know me so well. you read me like an open book, and we can have a conversation from across the room, without ever exchanging words. and yet, i am THRILLED, that God is working in this way in your life. you definitely deserve this. Im glad to have been with you every step of the way. I am glad that i was able to walk you through this, to be “the person” that you run to, to be the person that you tell. And yet, even though i am genuinely happy for you, i can’t help but be a little sad. Sad that our relationship now has to change. i can’t be your best friend any more, i need to be hers.
And so it sucks that i am going to have to start taking a step back, which is getting harder now that i feel our lives are more intertwined. I have no words, i dont want things to change, and yet im thrilled at the change happening in your life. it just sucks, cause i am going to have to work real hard to find another friend like you.
2) On saturday you made my heart beat faster. i went home, and i couldnt sleep. Eyes wide open, thoughts spinning. oh my. if i spend alot of time with you, i find that i think alot about it, but give it a couple of days and these thoughts will become nothing again. its often a cycle. … an ongoing cycle.
3) i dont click with you, our personalities dont match. i am a very honest person, i may be judgemental, name one human being other than Jesus who isnt. And yet, i find that the way you portray yourself, it honestly seems like you are judging everyone, but not only that, but that you hold yourself in higher regards than everyone that you meet. i wonder what i would hear if i listened in to your thoughts. i have a feeling, that if i read back on this in a couple of years, i wont remember who i am talking about. I wonder why…
4) i dont try and be late. I try not to make promises that i cannot keep. and for the record, i find it disrespectful. so excuse me for my impatience.
blood is thicker than water.
that is something that i never believed in, a phrase that i never agreed with.
Lately, God has been convicting me of many things. One word that is constantly being thrown in front of me is “love”. We are loved because Christ first loved us. It is a common word, it is the action that we are all called to do. Love the Lord your God, and Love your neighbour as yourself.
And yet, everyday I see people that irk me in a certain way, and all i can think as i engage in conversation is “love, love, love, love, LOVE”. Somehow i find it in me to stand up for them when they are being talked about, and refrain from saying anything negative or degrading.
But for some reason, when i think of my family back in Singapore, my heart completely hardens. Possibly because i do not spend time with them, possibly because i feel so different from them, but perhaps because when i see them in Singapore i feel left out, judged, and like i have to put up an act to be accepted.
And yet lately, i think God has been trying to soften my heart towards them. Constantly telling me that they are genuine, that God loves them, and so i should too. During Chinese New Year a couple of weeks back, the family got together in Singapore. Of course, family pictures were taken. I received a tag on facebook even when i wasnt there. It felt good to be acknowledged, it was great to be remembered.
My dad recently told me that my uncle told my dad to buy me the IPAD 3 when it comes out. My dad will later reimburse him. This wasn’t news to me, my uncle has offered to buy me things before, but i always scoffed and turned my head up in disgust. What is the point of buying something for me if you do not know me? if you do not try to talk to me, or get to know me?
I realized that God is slowly but surely softening my heart. Not because of this grand gesture, but because i know and realize that my extended family is important to my immediate family. That loving my family will not only make my parents happy, but more importantly it will please God.
Slowly my heart strings are being tugged at, and slowly i find myself being transformed by the Lord in ways i never thought God could mold me in. Constantly reminding myself that i am a daughter of Christ. A God who is sovereign, almighty, perfect, and capable of anything.
God’s strength is made perfect in weakness
For when we are weak He is strong;
He gives us His grace and His power
to overcome in us what’s wrong
— flawed, daily bread february 10th
i have been waiting a while now. i knew the answer. i think i just didnt want to believe it. but there is no doubting the answer that the Lord gave me yesterday. clear as crystal.
of all days too.
but i am thankful. and i am rejoicing. it isnt easy to accept, but im excited for this new step forward. to put my trust completely in the Lord.
God is good. He works in the most amazing ways. Im excited for what he is doing in my life.
sh*tuff christian girls say.
so funny. so true. love this.
the Anthem - planetshakers
You have won the victory
You have won it all for me
Death could not hold you down
You are the risen king
Seated in majesty
You are the risen king