where is the line that you arent allowed to cross between male and female friendships. when guys and girls become best friends, eventually one or the other develops feelings for the other. Yes guys and girls are allowed to be friends. treat older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, in all purity— 1 timothy 5:2. But then how much is too much, and how far is too far. Where do we draw the line between what we share and what we don’t share.

its easier when you are on the outside looking in. you can see feelings develop. one for the other, or vice versa. its easy to analyze a relationship when you arent apart of it. You can tell who likes who, if the feeling is mutual, and if there is something more going on. But when you are in the friendship, ill tell you reading the other person, and sometimes analyzing your own actions, is just a tangled knot, where you are unable to see the other end. 

I am so much more aware now. im so much aware of physical contact, as simple as a touch. today i was aware of my words and my actions. what questions if i asked them would be too much. do i have other intentions, when i ask certain questions, or do i simply want to know. Today i found that i wanted to say so many things, but i held back. i was so much more aware of you, your looks, and your words. so much more than normal. where do i draw the line? should i start walking away now?

And yet the smallest things make me smile. like you asking if my hands were cold, or intentionally walking down the stairs simultaneously, or just you sharing so much with me. If this had been anybody else, i probably wouldnt give these things a second thought. but because they were you, everything seems heightened. multipled by 12328109. 

BAH. im so glad you dont read this. i cant stand to lose you at a friend or even to stop spending time with you. and yet, i cant seem to find a way of getting over you otherwise. where do i draw the line?